Thursday, April 29, 2010


salam hye guys.....

i just finish my examination last 2 days n fyi it was the worst ever!!!!! i never feel this stupid in my whole life. i dont know why i cant answer those question because that wasnt so tough. dont get me wrong, but you(my coursemate) know what im saying. some of the question had been revised in class and i dont know why i still cant answer those question. honestly, its a shame.

for this semester i sit for 4 papers in this final exam including plant safety, transport phenomena, downstream processing and reactor design. none of this 4 i can do the best. ive done my best, studying in library like everyday, burning midnight oil just for this exam but it still not enough!!! i hate myself right now(actually i hate my self for a long time) im sick and tired of all this. i need a break. i had enough.

you all know what, lately im always think to stop this madness by QUIT study. i just feel this course dont suit me or vise versa(its me the problem not the course). i realize this is stupid and for god sake it just a year before graduating. my future just fading away and i dont see anything bright wait for me. i used to have plan for future but it seem gone with the wind. fyi, during matriculation, im a biology student(i not plan to become a doctor but pharmacist yes) and i take this course(full of physic thing that im fucking stupid on) on my own will coz i thought i will learn about chemical substance/propertist and making new things with chemical. my thought just flew away when i came to the 1st class n dont understand a single shit the lecturer explaining in front.

but its ok, i take that as a challenge and my 1st sem result was not so bad(i think) even it far away from i should get.....i said 2 myself "owh its okay, this is new field for you and after this you should try even harder" as time being i manage to improve my pointer and fortunately i past above 3.00 due to last semester result.

that happiness wasnt long, problem came 2 me one after another(better i not wrote it down coz it wont end). im in pain but no one knows(i shouldnt wrote this). yet i push my self through all the obstacle.but still im in pain...

this semester examination just like big shiny knife on my throat. i knew my result wont make me happy but what should i do right, let by gone be by gone(it much easier to said than to face it).........

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